8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
