he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
