I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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