We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
