I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
