Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
