the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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