I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
