it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
