Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
