God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
