But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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