We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
