omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
