It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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