hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
