I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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