We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
