garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
