My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
