Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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