and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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