Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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