Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
