This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
