I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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