I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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