when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Randomize
