big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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