I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We don't watch enough power rangers
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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