that's an acceptable place to lick
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
