I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
