wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His hands were made for my vagina.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
