Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
