Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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