do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
FUCK WHALES
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