Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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