There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
