I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
