i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
