i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
