Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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