carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
