Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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