Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
