I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
