I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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