I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
