Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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