one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
