Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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