Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
