Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
