I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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