i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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