So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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