Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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