I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
