mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
