Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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