I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was like eating out sand paper
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
