i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
do herpes really smell.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
