twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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