he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
