I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize