the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
