after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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