Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
