she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
wow bdsm is so cute
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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