Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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