i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
