What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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