maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
