Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
