Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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