I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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