Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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