At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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