I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
