I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
