My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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