I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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