Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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