I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
