we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
