lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
