i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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