How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
