I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
