i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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