Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
