Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
