dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
