careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
