Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
