So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
