i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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